晉惠帝

be the kind and blessed 2nd emperor of the 晉jin朝dynasty
famine left and right because china
advisors are at a loss and ask you to do the advising
何Why 不not 食eat 肉meat糜loaf? (as opposed to cuts of meat)
beat the wisdom of "let them eat cake" by a solid 1600+ years

trusted around all of your father, 司馬炎, the 晉jin武war帝emperor's, 淑fair妃concubines, a little too trusted
it's time for you to inherit the throne and have a heir in store
literally don't know how to have sex, incel beyond incel

the 惠kind 帝emperor was 在in the 東east宮palace^[1]，將about to 納admit a 妃concubine the 武war帝emperor was 慮worried that the 太子prince was 尚still 幼young and 未yet to 知know 帷房bedchamber 之's 事matters and 乃thus 遣dispatched her 往towards the 東east宮palace to 侍attend to and 寢sleep with him; and 由是because of this 得obtained the 幸fortune of 有身pregnancy ^[2]

the 愍懷 太子prince 遹，字courtesy name熙祖，惠kind 帝emperor's 長oldest 子son，his母mother 曰called 謝 the 才talented 人person。幼young 而and yet 聰慧intelligent， the 武war 帝emperor 愛loved 之him，and had him 恒constantly 在at his 左left and 右right。it once 嘗happened that he 與and the 諸various/a few of the 皇king's 子sons 共together 戲played on the 殿上hall floor，the 惠kind 帝emperor 來came to 朝court，and 執held the 諸various 皇king's 子sons' 手hands，and 次following that 至reached the hands of the 太子prince *愍懷 ，the 帝emperor 曰said：「是this汝your兒child也is。」the 惠kind 帝emperor 乃then 止stoped。

the 宮palace 中middle 嘗experienced an 夜night失accidental 火fire，the 武war 帝emperor 登ascended the 樓building and 望gazed at 之it。the 太子prince's 時time in 年years was merely 五five 歲years old，yet he 牽led the 帝emperor by the 裾hem of his clothes 入into the 闇中darkness。the 帝emperor 問asked 其him the 故reason，and the 太子prince 曰said：「(we have) 暮夜nightfall 倉storehouse 卒footsoldiers，who are 宜appropriately 備prepared for the 非extra 常ordinary，it is 不not 宜appropriate to 令let (the fire) 照shine 見visibly upon 人君you the emperor 也。」由是Because of this the emperor was 奇amazeed at 之him。

It once 嘗happened that he 從followed the 帝emperor to 觀see the 豕pig 牢sty，言addressed 於toward the 帝emperor, 曰saying：「the 豕pigs are 甚very 肥fat，何why 不not 殺kill them 以in order to 享share (their meat) with the 士officials，而and instead 使cause the 久lengthy 費waste of the 五five 穀grains ？」the 帝emperor 嘉praised 其his 意idea，即and thus 使ordered the 烹cooking of 之them。因accordingly the king 撫pated 其his 背back，and 謂called upon the 廷尉commandant of justice, 傅祗, 曰saying：「此this 兒child 當shall 興prosper 我my 家house。」It once 嘗happened that 對facing the 群commandery 臣subjects, the emperor 稱praised the 太子prince as being 似similar to 宣帝，於是from here on, his 令esteemed 譽reputation 流flowed 於throughout 天下the world。^[3]

see your precocious kid romp around the palace courtyards for 4 years.
Who is this sprightly boy of 4? I play with him a lot.
He is your son.
blissfully unaware that you've started the war of the eight princes

it's time for you to marry a more respectable woman, the crown princess 賈南風
literally don't know how to have sex
her being a murderous bitch only makes you more afraid and pp smol
make her bear 4 daughters in revenge
i dont usually have seggs but when i do no bloodline for u

everyone wants to overthrow you but you don't know why random half-brothers and cousins who you've never heard from like 司馬顒 and 司馬穎 are ganging up against a nigga called 司馬乂
the battle is at your doorstep, the capital of 洛陽
everybody hates you, find yourself on the battlefield
fight valiantly with conviction and retard strength
the 帝emperor had 傷injured 頰cheeks，was 中hit by 三three 矢arrows, and the 亡destruction of the 六six 璽seals happened, the scribes said^[4]
several deposed generals from the other camps are caught in the fray too
one of them, a lad named 嵇紹, has the other niggas hot on his tail, and stands in front of your 御imperial輦carriage as a human shield under the rain of arrows^[5]

everyone on the battlefield is dumbfounded
you are the king you must say something
i do not know what he may have done, but he who is willing to give his life up for me is a loyal subject. spare him.^[6]
he is killed in front of you, his blood spraying all over your robes

you are hurt you go home
everyone hates you at home and grudgingly hands you new washed clothes to wear.
you are the king you must say something
嵇紹's blood is on my clothes. Do not wash them.

your wife frames your only son by getting him drunk and forging a plot to overthrow you, penned in his hand
you dont know your son well but you know he would never do such a thing
strip him of all his ranks and turn him into a commoner instead of giving in to to demands that he be executed to free from him all this nonsense
no one understands why and chalks it up to you "being a retard"
you are getting too old to fight and it's every man for himself now
the empress goes rogue and hires three hitmen to assassinate your only son
they stabbed my son battered my mom to death and murdered all the other palace girls i grew up with

you are tired and unwanted
one day a box of cookies mysteriously arrives in your palace
they smell nice like the meatloaf you used to eat when you were young
you are a simple person but by now you're wise enough to know that gifts usually come with strings attached
you miss your son a lot and wish you could have gotten to know him better >though u did get to play with him a lot
least he was buried again as a prince and with dignity
not a man of letters but you picked the best posthumous name for him that u could
愍sorrow 懷cherished
sadge
bite into the cookies
they're tinged with something bitter
make your way through the entire box
they were poisoned but it was time to go anyways

did the best u could n had some laughs along the way
the embodiment of 大great 智wisdom 若is belied by愚foolishness

Vocabulary:
帷 as in 帷幄 or 帷幔. a curtain, screen, or tent. the bedrooms had curtains.
愍 -> 憫
令譽

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